Posts Tagged With: humor

NewsFlash: Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay, Fails to Mention East Arfrican Dognitary

In world news today, there are stories circulating about the Furuguayan dognitaries who recently visited with First Dog Bo Obama.  Here is the story in its entirety:

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“WOOFINGTON, D.C.—Aiming to strengthen yiplomatic relations with the nation of Furuguay, Bo Obama welcomed a visiting doglegation from the overseas country to the White House Thursday for talks on a wide range of vital rufforms.

The historic meeting—the first time a sitting Furuguayan dognitary has visited Woofington since the Checkers Administration—began with a traditional photo op on the White House portico, in which the two leaders formally greeted one another by shaking paws. After brief prepared rebarks, Bo and the Furuguayan diplomutts reportedly retired to the South Lawn for a private discussion of minimum wag laws and a pending flea trade agreement.

“Bo and Cesar dug in right away and weren’t afraid to get their paws dirty on the tough issues,” said Bo’s press secretary, Chiclets, noting that the two sides spent hours sitting and speaking, and occasionally chasing squirrels. “Furuguay is a developing nation, and unfortunately much of its poor pupulation lives in abject slobberty. That’s why Bo has agreed to a comprehensive aid package that includes thousands of tons of heartworm medicine and emergency Ken-L Rations.”

“It should just be a formality shepherding the relief bill through both doghouses of Congress,” Chiclets added.

In addition to reaching an aid deal, the two leaders are said to have talked extensively about the ongoing situation in Arfghanistan, where Tailiban insurgents continue to commit heinous acts of terrierism and aggressively defend what they consider their territory. According to sources, Furuguayan officials pledged to deploy several hundred well-trained rovert ops soldiers along the Pugistan border to help multinational FIDO forces sniff out and put down the Muzzlem extremists.

Additionally, both sides vowed to tighten treat sanctions on the disobedient nation of North Corgia.

“Bo and Cesar believe we’ve been chasing our tails for far too long with North Corgia, and agree that it’s time to put our paw down on the matter,” Chiclets said. “We’ve tried waving a big stick in talks with the North Corgians, but they simply refuse to roll over. And we’ve also tried offering them a variety of rewards to bring them under the negotiating table, but to no avail. Listen, we’re not going to beg here.”

“They’re being bad,” Chiclets added. “Very, very bad.”

Following the busy day of negotiations and an exciting ride in the presidential motorcade, the Furuguayan representatives were treated to an extravagant state dinner that is said to have featured a variety of rawhide appetizers, a six-course meal of kibble, chow, and wet food, and a mouth-watering bone dessert, all served in gold-rimmed fine china bowls on the White House’s opulent East Room floor.

According to the guest list, over 300 of the biggest figures in Woofington pawlitics attended the gala event to celebrate the countries’ renewed ties and sniff each other’s anal glands. Among those spotted at the fete were the Barker of the House and Bo’s longtime best friend Barack Obama.

Though there was one instance when bilateral talks were disrupted by a ringing doorbell, handlers strongly praised the two dognitaries, unanimously hailing the visit and state dinner as a major achomplishment for both countries.

“Clawing out agreements is not easy, but I think we made major strides today,” said Chiclets. “We know Furuguay will always remain loyal.”

According to aides, Bo and Fetchury Secretary Marshmallow are slated to travel later this week to Poocharest, Romania for the K-9 summit, which will bring together doglegates from the nine wealthiest purebred nations to seek solutions to the ongoing global felinancial cat-astrophe.” — the Onion

The only thing wrong with this article is that it failed to mention the East Arfrican dognitary (Yours Truly) who was also in attendance.  But doesn’t Arfrica always get pushed out of the spotlight?  And if my word isn’t enough, here’s visual proof of our very important tête-à-tête.

Bo and I

Bo and I

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Dawgie Style

Perhaps I’ve been watching too much of The Wire with mom, but I’ve got to get something off my chest:

Let’s get one thing straight.

I’m a dawg.

I might mostly be a dog, and a lovely one at that, but I’m a dawg at heart.

Because every good dog has a little bit of bad dawg in him.  Ya feel me? (Or feed me.  I’d almost prefer that.)

So take a look.  And don’t forget what you see.

 

Bitches Love Me

 

I know I usually write like the sweet and loving dog I am, but tonight’s a little different.  Tonight I’m a dawg.

And if you don’t like my tone, or if I’m curt with you, that’s because time is of the essence and I’m one bad ass mother-loving pupper.

Mother-lovin’

Bad ass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what does it take to be a dawg, you ask?

First of all, you gotta be, act, and live hood rich.

Take a hot second and look at my crib.

Pup pimp lights:

 

Pup Pimp Lights

 

iADawgTunes:

 

iADawgTunes

 

And more bling than I could fetch a stick at:

 

Mercedes Benz Couch

Gold Trim

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And let’s not forget my main pig.  She cooks good, looks good, and loves good.  Mad love 4eva piggy baby.  You always gonna be my main pig.

 

Piggy loves good

Piggy looks good

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But to be a real dawg, you can’t just live da life, you gotta love da life.

Go on and marinate on that a minute.  (And marinate something for me while you’re at it.  Daddy gotta eat.)

I don’t just sleep in, I sleep until 3.

 

They ain’t no alarms in this crib

I sleep when I want

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t just have a posse, I coordinate with my peeps.

 

We only got gingers in this crew

Tito n Twigz out da house

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I don’t just have threads, I look better than you ever will.

 

I got mad threads, yo

 

So, now you see I’m not just a dog, but a mighty fine dawg.

Ten pounds of dawg-gone, dawg-walkin’, dawg-talkin’, mother-loving dawg.

 

Word to my mother

 

And if you don’t agree with me, you can go on and shut the pup up.

Mad dawg love to my peeps and pups.

Tito out.

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