“What games do ya’ll play in Africa? Chase the monkey?” Well, actually, yes, we do.
Hi, I’m Twiga, the Cat (I’m sure you all remember me) and that’s me on the left. I look like one cool, average American guy, right? And you know why? I just came to America – just like Eddie Murphy in “Coming to America“!
Like Eddie, I’m an African prince (all cats are princes, in case you didn’t know) who left my home to see what this America place is all about. (On the right is my servant Colin, naturally portrayed by Arsenio Hall).
But you’re probably curious how a little ol’ Tanzanian street cat like me made it all the way to the US. Well, sit right down and let me tell you my tail. It all started in one of these:
In the cat carrier in my Tanzanian home
STILL in the cat carrier at the Mwanza Airport
Yup, you guessed it, STILL in the cat carrier at the Dar es Salaam Airport
My temporary home from Mwanza to Dar es Salaam. As you can see, I tried to make the best of it:
The best part was no one made me go through security, so I could have smuggled out all the catnip and street mice I wanted. If only I’d known!
I was kind of enjoying myself, but in Dar I had to say goodbye to my Sarah (who calls herself my mom now). She made kind of a big deal about it, but I was pretty cool, because I’m one cool cat, remember?
On my next flight, I had my servant Colin stow me under his seat.
Stowed (in a tiny black bag)
By the time we got to the Ethiopian airport, I really needed to get out, so servant Colin let me wander around this phone booth for a few minutes. I wanted to call and let my dogs in America know I was coming, but servant Colin was having none of it (Plus, he said that the charges from Addis Ababa to America would be exorbitant even though I’m a prince).
Chillin’ Addis Ababa Phone Booth Style
Next we had this really, really, really, long flight to Washington, D.C. Every 5 hours or so, servant Colin took me to the airplane bathroom so I could keep trying to get in the airplane toilet. I just don’t see why this is such a bad idea. I needed a bath, plain and simple.
But finally, after 17 hours on the same plane (that’s 119 cat hours, mind you), we arrived in Washington, D.C. Servant Colin was a little nervous about Customs, but they didn’t even look at my papers. The joke’s on them! There’s no telling what I brought with me! You’ll be reading about it in the papers soon enough, just you wait and see. I’m looking good now, because I clean up well, but just months ago, I wasn’t looking nearly so fly.
And just like that, I became an American citizen and a hero too – like George Washington or Shaquille O’Neal or the American flag!
My first impression of the US was this place called Starbucks. It must be a new thing because I’ve never heard of it.
Still in that darn tiny black carrier
My first experience walking around the US was this family airport bathroom. Naturally, I tried to climb in the toilet again (one wants to be clean to make a good first impression), but servant Colin advised me not to. Not cool, servant boy. Not cool.
Stare-down with servant Colin
And after one more short flight, I arrived at my new temporary home – Charlotte, North Carolina. Though maybe now, it’s a bit more North Catolina!
Now that I’m an American, I’m going to take up some new hobbies. First of all – I want to call this Miss Cleo lady – she seems really smart. I need to start eating a lot more fast food and I’ll have to ramp up my gun collection pretty fast.
Of course, some things never change:
Also, I’m sure someone will be interested in this Kenyan birth certificate I have for some guy named Obama.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my emigration tail. Now I must begin my endless pursuit of the American dream – starting right here: